A Match Made In Hel
by Beautiful Depravity
Summary: The Frostiron-filled sequel to Hela, which will be rewritten.


**The long-awaited sequel! Reading over Hela, I realized how badly I write between the hours of 2 and 6 AM and have therefore decided to redo it, so check back up on that too.**

Tony had decided he was the Jack Harkness of the real world.

No one else in fictional history had died as many times as he had and managed to come back to life. He felt like Dean Winchester on a Tuesday.

It had first happened in an entirely rational, expected way. Tony had been fighting an army of doombots with Steve and Clint, the others off visiting in Asgard or whatever, and he'd been overrun. He'd ended up at the bottom of a robotic dog-pile, and had eventually had his faceplate torn off and his head blown up by some horribly unadvanced cannon.

Then he'd woken up in some scary-but-fashionable throne room, and had been invited to eat dinner with Hela Lokidottir.

She'd been in some regal, misty robes and he'd been naked, so it hadn't exactly been formal or normal, but it had been an interesting conversation that had ended up with him waking up at the bottom of a dog-pile of suddenly deactivated doombots moments before he'd died.

Suffice to say, he hadn't talked about it.

After that though, he'd died being mugged on his way to Starbuck's, eaten breakfast with Hela and some wolf-dude, and had woken up in time to punch the guy as he was rifling through Tony's wallet. Then there'd been the lab accident with the radioactive substances Tony was sure he'd been careful with, and he found out the wolf-dude's name was Fenrir. And then his suit had randomly died mid-flight and turned him into a meaty pancake. And then his Arc Reactor had suspiciously given out. Then he'd tripped and fallen, cracking his head on the counter. Then he'd choked on a chicken bone. Then an apple.

And yet, despite being an actual genius, he hadn't put it together until Thor had worriedly informed the Avengers that Loki was arguing with his daughter over City Hall, and the Avengers had eavesdropped on the most ridiculous conversation ever held in the history of the nine realms.

"Stop interfering in my personal affairs!"

Hela dodged the energy bolt shot at her, sending a frustrated retort back at the petulant god. "Then stop being so socially retarded!"

Tony would have normally made a quip about an ancient goddess using the word retarded, but by now he knew the goddess in question was surprisingly knowledgeable of modern culture.

"You cannot meddle with the laws of the universe without repercussions, Hela! What will you and your brother do when you can no longer revive him?"

Hela sniffed haughtily, firing a ball of black electricity back at her father. "It won't reach that point if you stop being so stubborn!"

"And you," Loki snarled, turning to face a third deity, "I would have thought you would have more sense!"

Tony glanced at Thor as he muttered a quiet "Fenrir" in surprise.

"Three of them," Natasha reported. "One unknown, one potentially an ally, the other a known hostile."

"Maintain positions," Steve ordered, fixated on the explosive conversation being held.

Their positions were right out in the open, the six of them standing just out of the deities' ranges, but Tony didn't voice his concern about what would happen when they were noticed.

A loud, gravelly bark sounded, and Tony could see the trickster rolling his eyes from here. "And you thought interfering would make me happier?"

"He's a perfectly intelligent mortal, Father," Hela interrupted."There's no need to act so embarra-"

She cut off with a yelp as a rolling green wave of energy swept towards her. Fenrir barked again.

"I refuse to stop until you swear you will cease your meddling!"

Hela shook her head adamantly at Loki's declaration. "Well we won't cease until you admit it! We aren't above telling Amma!"

Thor inhaled sharply at the same time Loki went deathly pale. "You wouldn't..." Loki growled warningly.

"I will," came the huffy reply, punctuated with a proud sounding bark. "In fact, I'll kill him right now, wherever he is, and we'll have dinner together. And if you won't make a move, perhaps I will. He is quite charming, for a mortal."

Tony felt momentarily offended that he wasn't the only human who got to have breakfast with the queen of death, but ignored it when Loki protested loudly.

"No! You will not have him!"

"Always did have a problem with jealousy, didn't you Fadir," Hela mocked. "Oh well. Perhaps I'll keep your mortal to myself this time."

With a wave of her fingers she and Fenrir disappeared, and Tony only just caught Loki's furious expression before he felt his heart stop beating for the hundredth time this year and his vision went black.


End file.
